I’ve been procrastinating writing this post for almost three weeks now, and if you were to ask me three weeks ago what I would have written about, I’m more than certain that my idea would have been the same. But why has it taken me so long to write it?

What I am going to write about is more than just a lesson that I have learned, it’s more than just a story that I want to share. This is the reality of hundreds, or thousands of people, and I would not have any idea about them if this one special human hadn’t come into my heart about five years ago.

I’ve been shying away from this post because I do not want to disappoint. This topic is way bigger than I am, and I am aware that I am not capable of understanding its depth just yet, but soon enough, after God will have worked on me more, I believe that he will polish my heart in such a way that it will beat for these people.

Around a week ago I was in our kitchen cutting a watermelon, and I remember as I was slicing it and I took a bite, in my mind a complaint was almost immediately created. I remember telling my father “Dad, this watermelon isn’t sweet enough” and just as the last word finished rolling off my tongue I think God whispered this into my ear “Why is it that you find the fault in every blessing that I give you?”

And that thought has been with me ever since. I can not brush it away, and the more I think about it, the more my mind spirals.

I have been blessed, since the day God has brought me on this earth with countless blessings, and I still manage to always be complaining about something. I used to say this as a joke for a while: “I love complaining”, but now I am starting to understand that it is a terrible habit.

Three weeks ago I had the opportunity to volunteer for an organization that puts smiles on the faces of those people that society tends to marginalize, people with disabilities, and that experience has made me rethink my goals for life, but it has also scared me, hence the procrastination with this post. There are so many unanswered questions that are in my mind when the topic of people with disabilities comes up that most of the time I just choose to shy away and hide.

Why does God give kids with disabilities into families? Why does he do it to Christians? God is supposed to be a father who gives good gifts to his children¹, is this a good gift? If so, how? Am I ever going to have a child with disabilities? How will I take care of him/her? What will my life look like? Will I ever be able to do what I have planned with my life?

There are many more questions, but you might have already sensed a pattern, and that is “How will this impact my life, and will I have to give up things that I want?” It’s a selfish perspective over a selfless situation, and that is why I mentioned that I am too limited to understand this now.

At the same time, I feel like God has already started his work on me. If you were to ask me a couple of months ago, what success meant for me, I don’t think putting a smile on these people’s faces would have been among the things I would have listed, now, it is one of my top five.

I want to make an impact in my country when it comes to both people in less favorable communities and those with disabilities. I want to change something, the way they are viewed, the way they are treated, and their life. I want those kids to know who God is, to be saved, and to know what a good life means. How am I going to do that? That is something I have to go ask that special human that I have mentioned at the beginning of this post, but I am sure she will be able to guide me in the right direction.

I have made it a habit to end my post by leaving you with an idea to think about, and today I want to challenge you to analyze your thoughts. Look at what goes through your mind day by day. Are your thoughts God-honoring, or self-seeking? For me, it was hard to accept that they were self-seeking, and it still is hard to admit, but I am confident that God will change that because I am seeking his guidance.

1.  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Mathew 7:11 ↩︎